


A Worthy Ride

by Quarra



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky is Shameless, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, High Octane Crack, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Other, Sex Toy Mjolnir, humor?, inappropriate use of weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 01:37:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14033337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quarra/pseuds/Quarra
Summary: Bucky discovers that he is worthy to wield the might of Mjolnir. He is incredibly disappointed.





	A Worthy Ride

**Author's Note:**

> .....So this is crack. Like. Super crack. Be warned. 
> 
> I blame the RBB Slack for making me think of this and encouraging me to write it. Thank you to Ellebeesknees for giving me good feedback on titles and tags. It has not been beta-ed because it is 3am. I'll post this to tumblr when it is not 3am.
> 
> Please forgive me.

“Here! This belongs to you!” A very pissed off Bucky thrust Mjolnir into Thor’s chest.

Stunned silence greeted him as the rest of the Avengers stared. Steve, Thor, and Bruce were half way through lunch. Tony was hiding out in his lab. Clint and Natasha were cleaning their hand guns while Sam was making himself a sandwich.

“Bucky, how---?” Thor scrambled to grab his hammer, caught off guard both by someone else being able to wield it and by how unhappy Bucky looked.

“Freaking… _thing_ …” Bucky bit out the word, clearly trying to hold back harsher language. “Guess I’m worthy. Yay. There goes my plan for the day.” He sat down with a thump at his regular spot at the table.

Steve narrowed his eyes and looked Bucky up and down. Wet hair. Sweat pants. Loose long sleeve shirt. There was a petulant, almost needy quality to his pout.

Oh no.

_No._

“Bucky,” Steve said in a hushed tone. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“Of course I didn’t. Apparently I’m _worthy_. What a crock of horseshit.” The last line was said at a grumble.

“Didn’t what?” Natasha’s eyes narrowed and her gaze flicked back and forth between Steve and Bucky.

For as long as Steve knew him, even before they’d become lovers, Bucky was a hedonist. He loved pleasure, both his own and others. It was one of those things that Steve treasured to see returning to Bucky now that he was out of Hydra’s grasp.

One of the side effects of that return was that Bucky was nearly insatiable in bed. Not that Steve minded, per say, but it certainly did lead to some interesting situations. One particularly memorable time had Bucky whispering the filthiest dirty talk imaginable about all the things he wanted to shove up his ass…

Oh god.

“Nothing!” Steve squeaked. He could feel his face burn and knew he must be as red as his old USO boots.

“Uh huh.” Natasha didn’t look convinced.

Steve shot her an apologetic half smile and shrug, but he couldn’t follow through with the movements. Almost against his will he shot Bucky another incredulous look. “Bucky, seriously?”

“Stevie, it was gonna be perfect! So perfect!” Bucky tossed up a hand in the air, disgust written in every line of his body. He slouched down low in the chair and glared at Mjolnir, now resting on the dining table. “Think about it, Stevie. Impossible to break, but more importantly, _impossible to move_. No matter how rough things get. That thick handle, too. It’s got the grips, you know?” He held one fist up into the air and shook it, as if holding an invisible object. Then he dropped his hand onto his lap and shook his head sadly. “Perfect.”

Sam walked over, plate in hand, and sat down. He furrowed his brow. “I’m still not getting it.”

“Bucky, no. How. Why. Thor _fights_ with that, oh my god!” And of course, now that he was thinking about it, he couldn’t stop picturing it. Bucky, naked and sweating, head thrown back in pleasure, cock hard and muscles tight. He’d rock himself up and down on that thick hammer handle, milking his prostate as slowly as possible until he came untouched.

And now Steve was having a much larger problem than just regular embarrassment. Much, much larger. And far more obvious.

As always, Bucky seemed to know exactly what he was thinking. He looked over to Steve and just leered. “Yeah. You know why.”

“Wait. Are you guys talking about what I think you’re talking about?” Clint paused in his gun cleaning to give Bucky a thumbs up. “Props, dude, for imagination. Do you think it would give you a little shock as you’re working it?”

“See, that’s what I was wondering! Thank you!” Bucky pointed one hand towards Clint in emphasis.

Steve dropped his head to the table, both to hide his burning face and to cover up his quickly, ah, _growing_ problem in his pants. “Bucky, oh my god.”

“Come on Steve, I know you were curious too.”

Steve picked up his head just long enough to give Bucky the stink eye, then dropped it back down on the table. Hard.

By this point, Natasha had already gone back to cleaning her gun, bored now that she’d figured it out. “Tony is gonna be so pissed that he missed this.”

Bruce just stared back and forth between Bucky and Clint. “Wait…do you guys…you know...with all your weapons?”

“I mean, some of them?” Clint said with a shrug.

“Duh,” Bucky added.

“No. No I do not.” Steve’s firm declaration was somewhat muffled by the fact that his face was still smashed into the table.

“Well, I mean, that shield is kinda big? Seems impractical.” Clint outlined the shape in the air with both hands, demonstrating just how big around the shield was.

“Pfft. Distance and target practice, obviously,” Bucky said with an eye roll.

“Bucky, _no_.” If Steve thought he was embarrassed before, that was nothing to what he was feeling now. God _dammit_. Now every time he grabbed his shield he was going to be thinking of Bucky rubbing himself all over the front and coming across the star.

Holy shit he kind of wanted to see that now. Kind of a lot, actually.

“Its fine, vibranium wipes off great.” Bucky waggled his metal fingers at Steve.

“Oh my god,” Steve whispered.

“Mmmmmm,” Bucky hummed, staring off into the distance with a small satisfied smirk. Probably reflecting on past accomplishments.

Steve took a deep steady breath in and tried to will his hard-on away.

He failed.

“Wait. You mean to say that you discovered your worthiness not by holding Mjolnir, but by…” Thor tilted his head and looked at Bucky out of the corner of his eye, brows furrowed. He paused a moment, then raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“…Shoving the handle in my ass, yes,” Bucky said, finishing Thor’s sentence for him. Then he heaved a huge sigh of regret.

Sam just stared at him, jaw dropped and sandwich uneaten in his hands. He blinked. “Nasty, man. Just nasty.”

“I was really looking forward to riding it, too. But don’t worry man. I would have cleaned it all up, good as new! Promise.” Bucky hastened to reassure Thor.

“Stay the hell away from my wings. That’s all I’m saying.” Sam pointed a finger at Bucky and glared at him.

Thor looked at Bucky. Then at Mjolnir. Then back to Bucky. “…I…see…”

Finally done with this whole damn event, Steve stood up and grabbed Bucky’s shoulder in the hopes of hustling him out of the room as quickly as possible. “Go. Out. Please, so we can never speak of this again.”

“Hey! Watch it, pal! Oh. _Oh_. Yes. Time to go.” Bucky looked Steve up and down and then grinned and let himself be manhandled up out of his chair.

“Wait.” Thor stood and held Bucky back by one arm. Bucky looked at him questioningly. “You had a question.”

“…I did?” Bucky was not the only one confused. Most of the room was staring at Thor in mild puzzlement.

“About if there is a small shock from time to time.” A wide slow grin slowly spread across Thor’s face. “There is.” Then he winked.

Steve dragged Bucky out of the room, chased by Bucky’s groans of frustration and Sam’s cries of anguish.

 

**Author's Note:**

> ..........so that happened.


End file.
